Monday, February 27, 2006

"I Am"

This may be my last blog for a couple of days dues to the 'big move'. See ya' when we get to Arkansas!
I borrowed this idea from Mike. Thanks, Mike!

"I Am

I am ... creative, artistic, imaginative, romantic-at-heart, patient, kind, tender-hearted. Or so I've been told.
I want ... more time. A 28 hour day would be nice for starters.
I have ... more than I need, but not as much as I want.
I wish ... that I could fast-forward 3 or 4 years to the time when we can retire and settle in one place instead of moving once or twice a year.
I hate ... cruelty- in any form, violence, prejudice, racism.
I miss ... my family most of all, and old friends that I've foolishly lost track of.
I fear ... bugs, heights, the monster in my closet, and my biggest fear- waking up one day to find myself old and all alone.
I hear ... spirit voices from far off lands calling me to come and explore.
I search ... for friendship, acceptance, satisfaction and recognition
I wonder ... if 50 years from now anyone outside of my own family will remember or recognize my name.
I regret ... spending so much of my childrens youth working outside the home, and not spending as much time just playing and exploring the wonders of the world with them.
I love ... my mate, my family, my friends, my pet, nature, travel, writing, reading, drawing, painting, and life in general.
I always ... expect too much and as a result, am frequently disappointed.
I dance ... when no one is looking
I sing ... in the shower, in bed, driving in the car or whenever I think no one is listening.
I cry ... too easily, too often.
I write ... much too much, and oftentimes, badly.
I win ...
I lose ...
I confuse ... myself, and others who think they know me but really don't.
I need ... to give and receive love. More kindness. More time to do what I want to and not what I have to.
I should ... quit smoking completely and get more exercise.
My father thinks I am ...
My mother thinks I am ...
My mate thinks I am ...
I am complimented for ... my creativity and my patience.
I get embarrassed when ...
It makes me happy when ... I can spend time with the people I love.
It upsets me when ... I see suffering or violence or injustice being done that I can't do anything about
I keep a diary ... and a journal, and three blogs.
I like to cook ... chinese, mexican, italian and anything sweet.
I have a secret I have not shared with anyone ... and if you think I'm going to share it with you, you've got another think coming. A secret shared is a secret no more.
I'm in love ... with life and love.
I set my watch a few minutes ahead ... never as I can't see any real point in it.
I bite my fingernails ... though not as often as I used to, when I'm under stress.
I believe in love ... at first sight, also love that grows with time and understanding.
The weirdest person I know is ... me ! Does that surprise you?
The loudest person I know is ... that irritating guy from the oxyclean commercials.
The person that knows the most about me is ... uhm... a very good question. I guess I'd have to say the person who knows the most about me is me!
The most boring teacher ... is life, because too often, it forces you to repeat the same mistakes over and over again 'til you finally learn the lesson it's trying to teach.
My most overused phrase is ... "I love ______________ !" (fill in the blank)
My best feature is ... my good nature, my intellect, my articulation. Or so I've been told.
The best inside joke I can think of right now is ... I hate to admit I don't think I know of any.
I take a shower ... if I can't take a bath. Showers can be fun to sing in, but nothing beats a long hot soak in the tub, especially if you throw in lots of sweet smelling bubbles.
I'm crushing on ... someone I have no right to crush on, I love the way he writes, the way his mind works and the images he's built in my mind.
I want to get married ... not! Been there, done that, not interested in seeing the sequel at all!
I am tattooed ... on my left arm, my right breast, my belly button, and my back. I plan to get my next tattoo on my left arm as soon as I can set something up with my favorite tattoo artist, my oldest son!
I am pierced ... two holes in each ear is enough, thank you very much!
I am a health freak ... not really, unless you think my being a vegetarian makes me a 'health freak. I do that mainly as a moral and ethical choice rather than a health choice.
Thunderstorms ... scare me. I can find beauty in the strength of the sounds the produce, majesty in some of the spectacular light shows that sometimes accompanies thunderstorms, but mostly they scare the bejeebers out of me, and I want to cower safely under the covers until they pass.

Sunday, February 26, 2006

On Writing

Thoughts On Writing

Question: Is it better to write badly than to write nothing at all?

I've hit some sort of block as to what to write about. I could write about my day yesterday, as I do in my journal, but the day didn't go as well as I hoped and I suspect, no, I know it would be more of a ranting complaint than an entertaining read. Who wants to read about my trials and tribulations all the time anyways?

If you read my private journal. you'd get the impression that I was nothing but a whiner, I'm not. One of the reasons I keep a private journal is so I can keep from taking my petty little rants and raves out on the people I care about, yet not keep them bottled up inside me to fester and brew into something ugly.

Oh I do crow about the happy things, the good things happening in my life in my journal, too. Don't get me wrong. But yesterday was one of those days where the bad outweighed the good. In my opinion, there's nothing entertaining in that!

Saturday, February 25, 2006

On Tattoo's

Tattoo.. Do You?

How do you feel about tattoos? What is your opinion of those who have chosen to self-decorate their bodies this way?

I have five tattoos. That's five times that I've chosen to permanently mark my body. Each choice was at a different time in my life, each was for a different reason.

I got my first tat when I was 16 years old. Now some people may think that I wasn't mature enough at that age to make a decision like that, but at 16, I was already married, living on my own, and pregnant with my first child. I chose a butterfly as my first tattoo, I chose it as a symbol of my independance, as a new being emerging from her cocoon, (bravely) ready to explore a whole new world. I have no regrets for my choices at the time, nor for my reasoning.

I chose a hummingbird as my second 'permanent skin decor'. I was 18 at the time, a new widow, and pregnant with my second child. I was three months along when my husband was killed by a drunk driver. I needed that hummingbird, safely placed in a secret spot on my skin, to remind me that there was still beauty in this world, and that happiness, however fleeting it may be, could still be found. My hummingbird symbolized then, and still does now, HOPE.

By the time I received my third ink, I had become good friends with the owner of the tattoo parlor, and with his wife. It was a Christmas present from them to me, and of course, it had to be red and green, right? So I selected a little dragon to fly across my upper arm. He was my symbol for fantasy, imagination, and wonder. He reminds me to exercise all three regularly, because when you don't, they lose their strength. And you lose most of all.

I have a huge peacock on my back. He was chosen to remind me that beauty is not always apparent at first glance. Sometimes, you have to search for it. That tat is not finished, and never will be. The artist, my good friend, and a man I admired deeply, died before it could be completed. I've had offers from other artists, but have always and will always, say no. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's my tribute to a great man. No one can imitate or replace him.

Flames dance on my body also. They are my symbol of the power of passion that rages deep within me. Passion, like fire, can burn you if you allow it to gain control. It can also warm you to the depths of your soul.

My father, upon discovering my tattoo's for the first time, asked me "Don't you know your body is a temple to the Lord?" I replied without even thinking, "Yes, Daddy, but how many churches have you seen that DIDN'T have stained glass windows?" I don't remember him saying anything in response.

I've known my oldest son was artistically talented since he was old enough to pick up his first crayon and scribble on the wall. He's now an extremely talented tattoo artist. I'm so very proud of the work he does. I never planned on getting anymore tattoo's until he picked up the gun, and while we haven't been able to arrange it yet, my next ink will be done by him, and more importantly, proudly displayed by me!

Friday, February 24, 2006

Five Weird Things About Myself

I just saw a challenge to name five weird things about yourself, and as I was searching for a topic to blog about today, I thought, "Wow, what an excellent choice!"
I don't think it's going to be as easy as it sounds, though. I mean, I don't normally think of myself as being weird, nor do I think of anything I do as being weird. But I'm always up for a good challenge, so here goes:

1. I hate to throw out flowers. I love getting flowers as a gift, enjoy seeing them everyday, their beauty really lights up my world. But I, how shall I say this, procrastinate when it comes to throwing them out. They die eventually, no matter how often I change their water, or put the 'food' that usually comes with each bouquet into the water, they all die. And I hate throwing them out. They'll sit there all dead-looking, brown and droopy for weeks sometimes, and I feel guilty about them. Really, I do! I avoid looking at them, pretend they're not there, for far too long a time before I finally pitch them into the trash. I have no idea why I do this, I just no I feel so sad tossing them into the garbage, no matter how bad they look.

2. I can't go to sleep at night without playing solitaire. I don't know if that would be truely considered weird or not, but if I don't play a couple of games of solitaire on my hand-held game, I can't sleep.

3. I can't eat the last cookie in the pack. Nor the last slice of bread. Never. I just can't. If no one else eats it, it will grow mold and be thrown out. Is that normal?

4. I love making 'to-do lists'. I hate doing the things on my 'to-do lists'. I know, what's the point of making them if you have no intention of following them? I feel so organized and competent while making them, but after everything is written down, I think, "Oh bother! Who wants to do all that?!!?"

5. I'm in love with paper. Handmade paper, colorful paper, paper of different weights and textures and sizes, I love paper! I collect paper, always thinking as I do so, "I can do something GREAT with this!" Too much of it goes unused, unfortunately. And paper is not light, not in great quantities, so too often I have to throw it away or give it away. It's a shame, really it is, 'cause I could do so much if I had all that paper...

Okay, your turn now. Can you name five weird things about yourself? How about sharing them with me?

Thursday, February 23, 2006

My First Post!

...And I have absolutely no idea of what to say! What a time for my mind to go blank, huh? Performance jitters, perhaps, as I had all sorts of ideas of this to say when I started out. Perhaps a brief introduction will do for now.
I am a forty-seven year old mother of four, grandmother of eight, writer, artist, and craftsperson, currently in the process of moving from Pittsburgh, Pa., to Bentonville, AR. I've been told I'm even-tempered, creative, patient (I could argue with that one) and family-oriented.
My passions include romance, writing, bookbinding, origami, anything with paper, crochet, pen and ink, watercolor, and polymer clay among other things. I also like travel, hiking, exploring the wonders of nature in general, reading and surfing the internet. I'm not real big on TV, but I do like movies, especially comedies, romances, and musicals. I'm not political AT ALL.
That should about do it for now. Welcome to my nest, make yourself at home, and come back anytime! I hope we'll enjoy our visits together!